1. Scenic views FOR DAYS
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then Montana is a tome. Pristine mountains, rivers, lakes, fields, hills, YOU NAME IT. Montana has it all. Take advantage of this spectacle before returning to your mediocre and bland mid-west scenery. (You’ll want to remember that mental picture of rolling hills when you’re driving down a flat country road surrounded by corn.)
2. Get out from behind your phone
The power of the Montana landscape will make you want to take all the photos you possibly can, but is best experienced without an iPhone. Sit. Look. Breathe. Listen. The mountain air breezes through your ears and your mind will be at ease. It’s powerful. You can take a photo, you can try to capture what you’re feeling, and you can post it online, but they won’t get it. Those 170 followers of yours will just think, “There she goes again with those melodramatic words”. Best just to avoid the whole situation and soak in that moment sans technology.
3. Find some actual stress relief
With over 55 state parks and two National Parks, you can hike, bike, and paddle your way through Montana. Try out Lake McDonald in Glacier National Park. Carved by glaciers over a thousand years, this beautiful lake has stunning scenery and is home to an immaculate amount of wildlife and plants. Go out for a solo kayak trip and get the view every influencer wishes they could get. Don’t worry about getting into the zone where the clerk told you not to go if you’re not an experienced kayaker. Your weak-ass arms won’t handle it, but you’ll get a great Instagram post out of it. (Because living the life you want doesn’t mean anything unless you can share it online!)
4. Hike the hills
Missoula is home to lots of hiking trails, but the classic hike for locals and visitors alike it the M Trail. Unbeknownst to you, it’s actually much harder than it seems. Switchback after switchback, huff and puff your way up to the giant M. You’ll be passed by people, lots of people actually, including women in their 70s, but you’ll be rewarded once you finally reach the top. You’ll contemplate your horrible Ohio lungs and out-of-shape physique, but tell yourself that maybe you’ll change.
5. Indulge in things that are worth it!
Did you know Montana has the second-highest breweries per capita in the United States? And Missoula is the IT city to drink too much and reminisce about a life you never had. Try Kettlehouse Brewery, where you call your mom while you probably have had too much to drink and feel those eyes well-up upon the thought of moving across the country. You want to do it, but at the same time, you don’t. But there’s a solution for that… the Hellgate Honey Hefeweizen. They also have plastic dinosaurs for the kiddos, but you and your drunk friend can play with them too. 3 drink max.
6. Bring a friend or two
You can sit alone in several different breweries (and you will) but it’s always more enjoyable when you share in the fun! You’ll beg and plead. How hard is it to convince others to come to Montana? Turns out, a lot harder than you originally thought. But congratulations! You’ve convinced your friends to come with you to Missoula. You’ll talk about it for months and you’ll get the feeling that they don’t really give a shit about it. You’ll try and convince them of its grandeur, but you may be alone in this fight to convince the world that Montana is simply the best. Just succumb to the fact that no one has taste like you!
7. Take the road less traveled
The state of Montana has over 69,000 miles of road. Take a scenic drive while completely over-contemplating your life and your decisions. The road goes on for days! You can keep driving, past your exit and without a destination while tears slowly drape across your cheeks. Why are you crying? Who knows and who cares! Put on that sad girl music and hit the road.
8. Find that perfect spot
Montana has beautiful sights around every corner. There are bustling rivers where you can watch the surfers ride against the currents, perfectly placed benches in front of grand mountains, and that one special spot just above the railroad tracks that you come across after stumbling out of a brewery. The sun will be setting and the trains have already stopped for the evening, creating long shadows against the chain-link fence. The rails disappear into the mountains and you’ll be entranced! Stay as long as you want. Because not a lot of things make you happy anymore, but if this industrial wasteland brings you happiness, then get it, girl.
9. Perfect place to go when you’re depressed about your actual reality
Oh, you millenial! You’ll never be satisfied!
10. You can pretend it’s the life you’ve always dreamed of
Even though there’s no possible way to ever find your perfect life if you haven’t lived it yet.
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